Loving Yourself Into Wholeness

By Sarah Ban Breathnach


"I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvin8s on stone are worn down by water."

-AMY TAN

Life batters us whether we are rich or poor, public or private. The wound we suffer may be an open cut or a slow, silent hemorrhage of the soul.

On the outside we may look as if we've got our act together, but each of us encounters those dark stormy days when we feel very small, very fragile, and very frightened, as if we might shatter into a thousand pieces and break into heartrending sobs at something as simple as "How are you?".

When this happens we have to be kind to ourselves, not beat ourselves up. Leave that to the rest of the world.

Our feelings are valid, our fears very real, even though they are probably not based on reality. Always remember that the best description of fear is "false evidence appearing real."

When these occasions occur in your life, recall that your first duty is to love yourself into Wholeness. How to do this? By pampering yourself with simple pleasures and small indulgences. By treating yourself like the baby you are right now.

Could you bring home something wonderful for dinner tonight from a Chinese or Indian carryout?

Could you treat yourself to some of the potted daffodils or tulips that are appearing in the shops about now?

Could you take the afternoon off and sneak into a matinee? If not, how about bringing home two or three classics from the video store and enjoying a movie marathon with a big bowl of popcorn?

Why not delight in an ice-cream cone Jor lunch, taking it to a park to bask in the sunshine and hear the birds singing? What about saying "no" to the next request for you to do something?

Yes, you can. You don't have to do everything and be everything for everyone else all the time.

If you think you can't possibly do one more thing without screaming or crying, you're probably right. Start by saying, "No, I'm sorry, I've got a prior commitment."

For, of course, you do.

Today you need to be there for yourself.

Remember, we did not lose ourselves all at once. But we recover our authentic selves one kind gesture at a time.