Constant Craving

I have learned, in whatsoever state 1 am, therewith to be content.
-ST. PAUL

In my twenties, I thought fame would do it. In my thirties, I became convinced that a comma in my checking account balance was the answer. Now that I'm in my forties, I know that all my seeking can be summed up in one word: contentment.

In my forties I realize-gratefully-that fame comes at too high a price. Being considered an "accomplished" woman who shepherds successful creative' projects from conception to completion is much more appealing than being famous. And in the deepest recesses of my soul, I know that money cannot guarantee happiness. I realized this with certitude the summer morning I read that a famous and wealthy author, whose books hover on the best-seller lists for months, had lost a beloved child to a freak accident. While washing the breakfast dishes, I glanced out the kitchen window to see Katie bouncing a tennis ball against the back of the house-happy, safe, alive. I knew that famous author would trade all her worldly success in a heartbeat to know again the blessing bestowed on me that morning. After I prayed for her, I prayed for myself. Please let me never forget how rich my wonderful life is right at this moment. Please let me never forget that all I have is all I need.

Please let me never forget to give thanks.

But I know that I am a much happier woman when I can pay my bills with ease, take care of all my needs, indulge a few of my wants, and have a comfortable cushion of savings. It would also be wonderful-and I hope to have the experience once before I die-to see something fabulous and just say, "I'll take it," without asking the price.

Still, these days contentment is my constant craving. So much so that I have begun asking each twenty-four golden hours stretching before me, luminous in their potential for pleasure, what might be mine for the taking. Sometimes it's as simple as making a delicious tuna fish sandwich. with celery and tarragon mayonnaise on buttermilk honey bread for lunch-the way I do for guests and for my family but rarely take time to do for myself. Or as easy as sitting on the beach, not with work in my lap (even when a deadline looms), but a great book.

Just as negative addictions sneak up on us a day at a time, so do positive cravings. Meditation, creative movement, moments of self-nurturance that bring contentment-all can become positive habits of well-being. I find that when I take twenty minutes to get quiet and go within, work with the visual images in my discovery journal, take a walk, or ask how can I make the next task more pleasurable, my wants diminish.

Today, consider the desires that really count-what you really need to be content. Then make sure there's at least three moments today that fulfill mind, spirit, and body with what you alone must have.