Getting Real and Personal in the Pursuit of Happiness

Expect nothing; live frugally on surprise.


-ALICE WALKER

In 1890, philosopher-psychologist and spiritual pioneer William James, the brother of the famous American novelist Henry James, rattled rigid Victorian society with the publication of a landmark exploration on human happiness, The Principles of Psycholo8J. Twelve years in the writing, two volumes and fourteen hundred pages long, it boldly went where no book had ever gone before, investigating the mind-body connection, the impact of our emotions on behavior, and the importance of nurturing an inner life, instead of concentrating on outer trappings to achieve personal harmony. With this book, Dr James became the father of the self-help movement.

William James was also an eloquent and persuasive champion of a philosophical school of thought known as Pragmatism. He argued that the world already exists when we are born, and we have to accept it as it is. But our ability to create our own inner reality can determine if we view the Universe as friendly or hostile. "Be willing to have it so," here, because ". . . Acceptance of what has happened is the first step in overcoming the consequences of any misfortune."

Being a pragmatist, Dr. James believed that personal happiness hinges on a practicality: if your reality lives up to your expectations, you're happy. If it doesn't, you're depressed. This is as real, personal, and simple as philosophy and psychology get, and it makes perfect sense.


Of course, this means we have a creative choice to make if we want to be happy. Do we consciously and continually strive for more accomplish¬ments and accumulations? Or do we lower our expectations, live with what we have, and learn to be content?

Many of us mistakenly think that lowering our expectations means we must surrender our dreams. As one friend put it, "Sorry, Sarah, but this sounds like giving up to me."

Absolutely not. Dreams and expectations are two very different things. Dreams calls for a leap of faith, trusting that Spirit is holding the net, so that you can continue in the re-creation of the world with your energy, soul gifts, and vision. Expectations are the emotional investment the ego makes in a particular outcome: what needs to happen to make that dream come true. The ego's expectations are never vague: Oscars, magazine covers, the New York Times best-seller list. Your dreams must manifest exactly as the ego imagines or someone isn't going to be very happy. And guess who that is? The ego! Since none of us can always predict either the future or the best outcome for oW" authentic path, this kind of thinking is self-destructive. Because if we don't live up to the ego's expectations, we've failed again. And at some point we really do give up.

The passionate pursuit of dreams sets your soul soaring; expectations that measure the dream's success tie stones around your soul. I don't think we should just lower our expectations; I believe if we truly want to live a joyous and adventurous life, we should relinquish them.

Living your life as a dreamer and not as an "expector" is a personal declaration of independence. You're able to pursue happiness more directly when you don't get caught up in the delivery details. Dreaming, not expecting, allows Spirit to step in and surprise you with connection, completion, consummation, celebration. You dream. Show up for work. Then let Spirit deliver your dream to the world.
After a lifetime of setting myself up for heartache, the way I now approach the delicate balance of dreams versus expectations is very Jamesian: dream, do, and detach. "When once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome," Dr. James tells me. I approach my work with a passionate intensity, acting as if its success depends entirely on me. But once I've done my best, I try to let go as much as possible and have no expectations about how my work will be received by the world. I have consciously chosen to be surprised by joy. It's a choice you can make as well.

Today, try to get real and personal about the pursuit of happiness. Oprah Winfrey once said that God's dreams for her were much more than she could ever have dreamed for herself. I don't think any of our dreams begin to come close to the dreams Spirit has waiting with our names on them. I also believe we'll only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes.