Loving Yourself Into Wholeness

By Sarah Ban Breathnach


"I did not lose myself all at once. I rubbed out my face over the years washing away my pain, the same way carvin8s on stone are worn down by water."

-AMY TAN

Life batters us whether we are rich or poor, public or private. The wound we suffer may be an open cut or a slow, silent hemorrhage of the soul.

On the outside we may look as if we've got our act together, but each of us encounters those dark stormy days when we feel very small, very fragile, and very frightened, as if we might shatter into a thousand pieces and break into heartrending sobs at something as simple as "How are you?".

When this happens we have to be kind to ourselves, not beat ourselves up. Leave that to the rest of the world.

Our feelings are valid, our fears very real, even though they are probably not based on reality. Always remember that the best description of fear is "false evidence appearing real."

When these occasions occur in your life, recall that your first duty is to love yourself into Wholeness. How to do this? By pampering yourself with simple pleasures and small indulgences. By treating yourself like the baby you are right now.

Could you bring home something wonderful for dinner tonight from a Chinese or Indian carryout?

Could you treat yourself to some of the potted daffodils or tulips that are appearing in the shops about now?

Could you take the afternoon off and sneak into a matinee? If not, how about bringing home two or three classics from the video store and enjoying a movie marathon with a big bowl of popcorn?

Why not delight in an ice-cream cone Jor lunch, taking it to a park to bask in the sunshine and hear the birds singing? What about saying "no" to the next request for you to do something?

Yes, you can. You don't have to do everything and be everything for everyone else all the time.

If you think you can't possibly do one more thing without screaming or crying, you're probably right. Start by saying, "No, I'm sorry, I've got a prior commitment."

For, of course, you do.

Today you need to be there for yourself.

Remember, we did not lose ourselves all at once. But we recover our authentic selves one kind gesture at a time.

Discover Yourself

One of the surprises that comes when you catch glimpses of your authentic self is the discovery that she's such a positive, upbeat woman. She's always smiling. She's always calm. She's always reassuring. She exudes confidence. Who is this woman, you might ask, and does she bear any resemblance to you?

Yes and no. This is who you are on the inside. The real you. If you don't act this way all the time, it's simply because you haven't evolved to a high¬er plane of existence yet. Neither have I. Marianne Williamson believes this will come when we "embrace the Goddess" who resides within. "When a woman falls in love with the magnificent possibilities within herself, the forces that would limit those possibilities hold less and less sway over her," she writes in A Woman's Worth.

But occasionally, we get glimmers of what it's like on this higher plane: on a good-hair day; when we've had twelve hours of sleep; when we soar through a business meeting, thoroughly prepared; when we fit into last year's clothes; when we throw a great party and everyone enjoys them¬selves immensely. When moments like these occur, we tend to think that all's right with the world. Everything just fell into place. What we don't realize is that all's right with ourselves. We're in the flow of life and loving it. We're in place: that special alignment when authenticity and reality merge into Wholeness.

But how do we tap into this spiritual energy source more often? How do we access the flow of life more frequently? How do we learn to live at full throttle?

Meditation helps. So do long walks, soaks in scented bubble baths, wash¬ing our hair a day before it needs it, smiling at everyone we meet, being more gentle with ourselves, watching a sunrise or a sunset, petting an ani¬mal, playing with a child, having some small pleasure to look forward to every day, being grateful.

But above all, being open to change. Welcoming it. "Watch. Wait. Time will unfold and fulfill its purpose," Marianne Williamson advises. "While we wait, we must not go unconscious. We must think ap__w. Rejoice and dream, but kneel and pray. There is holiness in the air today; we are giving birth to goddesses. They are who we are, for they are us: friends, therapists, artists; businesswomen, teachers, healers, mothers. Start laughing, girls. We have a new calling."

Source: Simple Abundance