In Praise of Modesty

Style is to see beauty in modesty.


-ANDREE PUTMAN

Modesty isn't a very exciting virtue. A sparse or stark style can be sophisticated and dramatic, but modesty seems dull, too often confused with the girl dressed in muslin sitting on the side of the gymnasium who's never asked to dance. But the French designer, Andree Putman, who has reinterpreted everything from hotel interiors to pencils, believes "unless you have a feeling for that secret knowledge that modest things can be more beautiful than anything expensive, you will never have style."

Perhaps as a child you were told not to toot your own horn, even when you accomplished something amazing. Or maybe you were told to stop dreaming of setting the world on fire, and "have more modest aspirations, so you won't be disappointed." Maybe when you try to express your authentic self you hear an old voice berating you for "being a show-off."

Yet at the same time, out of the corner of your eye you could see it was the bie gestures that got all the attention in life. Glamour. Fame. Wealth. The trinity of what's considered good taste worshiped by the world. Or at least that's the way it looks from here. It's always the wealthy women who make it on the international best-dressed lists, the movie stars' mansions that are glorified in glossy layouts. It's not enough to write a finely honed first novel, it has to be a best-seller or you'll have difficulty publishing a sec¬ond one. You can't just be a talented actress, you have to win an Academy Award to be considered a success, Tell me, when was the last time you knew of a bronze medalist signing a $1 million endorsement deal?

Most of us can't see our name in lights on Broadway, so we give up, sorry we even tried, our sense of self diminished. Being a modest success just doesn't make it. We hear "modest" and think "mediocre."

Meditate on modesty for a moment. What if she isn't the self-effacing, shy, retiring, nerdy virtue we've thought she is? What if Modesty is really passion restrained? What if modesty is a virtue so full of her own smoldering sense of self that she isn't distracted by the glitz? The American writer and illustrator Oliver Herford believed that modesty was "the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it." People with an authentic style know what they are, but even more important, they know what they are not. They don't care about labels. They care about personal expression. Frank Lloyd Wright would never have asked Laura Ashley to decorate his house, even though both of them showcased the beauty of modesty in their work. The trick is to go deep enough to mine the core of your authenticity. First, find out what you love, whether it's a coat, a couch, or a career. Worry about the packaging and the tags later.

I leave this thought with you today. Goldilocks was a modest little lady who didn't want very much. She knew what was "just right," what was perfect for her-be it porridge, chair or bed-and she made confident, creative choices. Now there's the girl I'd like to be when I grow up!

Encountering Hestia

House ordering is my prayer, and when I have finished my prayer is answered. And bending, stooping, scrubbing, purifies my body as prayer doesn't.


-JESSAMYN WEST

You clean a cluttered closet, slowly sorting through clothing, considering what is to be saved, stored, or shared with others. She is there. You gather together the fruits of the earth on the altar of your kitchen counter, baking not a blackberry pie but a benediction, invoking an unspoken blessing for those who will partake of your love offering. She is there. You ready the guest room to welcome friends to your home, dressing the bed with your best linens, laying fluffy towels on the chair, arranging a bouquet of flow¬ers next to the reading lamp along with a few of your favorite books. She is there. You polish the silver, fold the laundry, iron the tablecloth, wash the dishes, replace the candles. She is there. Hestia, the venerable domestic spirit. We may not have known her name, but we have felt her move through us when we experience pleasure in our daily round.


Three thousand years ago in ancient Greece, Hestia was the goddess of the hearth, guardian of family life and the temple. It was to Hestia that women turned for protection and inspiration so that they might, as an act of worship, transform their dwelling places into homes of beauty and com¬fort. Hestia was one of the twelve Olympians in classical Greek mythology. But she is the least known of all the deities, and there are no legends about her, even though Zeus bestowed on her the privilege of sitting in the center of their celestial home so that she might receive the best offerings from mortals. While the other gods and goddesses were personified in sculpture and paintings, Hestia was not rendered in human form. Instead, her spiritual presence was honored as an eternal flame burning on a round hearth. Jungian analyst and author Jean Shinola Bolen tells us in her book, Goddess in Everywoman, that Hestia's sacred fire prov_d illumination, warmth, and the heat necessary for food. Despite her anonymity through the ages, "The goddess Hestia's presence in house and temple was central to everyday life" in ancient Greece.


Today, as in ancient times, reflecting on Hestia "focuses attention inward, to the spiritual center of a woman's personality," according to Dr. Bolen, enabling us to tap into an inner harmony as we go about our daily round. Hestia is not frazzled, hanging on by a thread. Instead, Hestia is "grounded in the midst of outer chaos, disorder, or ordinary, everyday bustle." Everything that needs to get done in the home is accomplished with ease and grace. By knowingly seeking encounters with Hestia in our daily life, by letting her quiet, calm, orderly presence influence our behavior, we can come to the awakening that there is sacred Mystery in the mundane.


And just how do we do this? Sometimes I'll invoke Hestia's help as I work around my home. Or I'll ask myself, is this how Hestia would approach this task? Of course, if I have to ask that question, I know it's not, but the question brings my awareness back to the contemplative nature of homecaring.


Most of all, Ifutia gently reminds me, as Dr. Bolen points out, "tending to household details is a centering activity equivalent to meditation," if we want to make it so. If you feel you have no time to sit down to meditate, that you have a valid excuse for not seeking communion with Spirit because the floor has to be swept, realize that if you approach your tasks with reverence, it won't only be your home that will be transformed. The Goddess knows what it takes to run a household and She has deemed it holy. So should you.

Good cheer and prosperity

My grandma used to tell us when we’re kids, “Don’t frown or quarrel inside the house.”

If we take that literally in a funny way, we can do what she’s forbidding us to do outside the house. No. Seriously, what she meant was we should avoid wearing a long face wherever we go and whatever time of the day. Why? She said that if we looked grumpy, God’s Angels of Blessings would get scared to come near us, then we wouldn’t get any of those blessings. So, she said, “Be cheerful all the time!”

As I grew older, I began to understand her meaning of the word. Cheerfulness means poise, serenity, a sane wholesome, well-balanced outlook on life. The cheerful person knows that there is much misery in the world, but that misery needs not be the rule of life. If one has more cheerfulness in life, it means one has more happiness, more success, more efficiency, more character, a larger future. The cheerful person does not cramp his mind and take half views of things.

More cheerfulness will help one all along the line of life. It will help bear one’s burdens; it will increase one’s courage, strengthen one’s character, make one more effective, more popular, more helpful. It will make one a happier, more successful person.

Have you ever noticed that it is the cheerful, hopeful, optimistic people who succeed and who’s got plenty of friends? And those who’s got sour, gloomy natures fail, or drag their feet along in mediocrity, who never amount to anything? A habit of cheerfulness enables one to change obvious misfortunes into real blessings.

At life’s onset, Orison S. Marden, a writer, says , a cheerful optimistic temperament is worth everything. A cheerful person, who always looks on the bright side, who is ever ready to seize victory from defeat, is the successful one.

Everybody avoids the company of those who are always grumbling, who always scowl, sarcastic, who are full of “ifs” and “buts”, and “I told you so’s.” We like the person who always looks toward the sun, whether it shines or not. It is the cheerful, hopeful person we go for sympathy and assistance, not the despondent, downcast, gloomy critic, who always thinks it is going to rain, and that we are going to have a terribly hot summer, or a fearful thunderstorm, or who is forever complaining of hard times. It is the bright, cheerful, hopeful, contented person who makes his way, who is respected and admired.

Gloom and depression not only take much out of life, but divert greatly from the chances of winning success. It is the bright and cheerful spirit that wins the final triumph.

So, my grandma used to say, “Be cheerful, and Prosperity will follow.” Thank goodness, she was right!